hm, this new formatting makes me want to post more.

i think i'm dealing with this issue right now that is making it hard to be authentic in my interactions with people and that is, i assume that people are constantly judging.

and this may be because i am one of the most judgmental people ever. and this may be the dregs of what i dealt with this past year in my relationship, but in any case, it's kind of sucky.

and so, in lab, i am striving to be the favorite undergraduate, but it's stupid to even think like that. and i'm seeking to be an engaged student, but i feel simultaneously too scattered and too limited by my existing interests.

i feel like these posts of my thoughts are really shallow and i should stick to writing them down in private. because what i intended through this blog, is not an avenue of ranting despair, but a place to reflectively clarify my thoughts on issues and so forth. kind of also the intention of my column. and we see how that has turned out, too...

my thoughts have been inhibited recently by...i might call it lack of motivation, actually. there is a hopelessness in what i do. and when i hear my voice on the phone, i despise it.

i'll be out of ecclesiastes soon.